Dear Morons on the Road,
I know, I know...you have a licence, but maybe they didn't tell you at the DMV, a driver's licence is not a licence to kill. It is not a licence to act like a complete moron on the road. There are other people out there. I know. I've been driving alongside you idiots for a while, and I've held my tongue, but apparently we need to go over a few things.
1) Signal lights: These are those things you use to let other cars know that you would like to change lanes or make a turn. They are a great invention! Use them! Trust me, you'll have loads of fun with them. They signal an intent to move. Are you writing this down? I hope so, because I am growing tired of drivers who assume I will know they are about to cut me off, or who decide on a whim, "oh, what the heck! Maybe I'll cross over three lanes and take the scenic route today!" Hey, I have no problem with spontaneity, really I don't--just give me a second to adjust, ok? A teeny little warning...a...how shall I put this....signal?
2) Cross-walks: See those striped white lines across the road? Yes, yes, I know, they're so very, very pretty, aren't they? I know you're probably not aware of this, but they're not just there for aesthetic pleasure--they actually serve a purpose! Here's a hint: If you are approaching some of these pretty striped white lines, and you see a nervous pedestrian standing at the edge of them (you know pedestrian? Those human things unframed by racing metal boxes?) then SLOW down and STOP. What's really cool is that when you do this, you won't kill someone who's trying to cross the street! It's win/win for everyone!
3) Cell-phones: Fabulous inventions, aren't they? Not so fabulous on the road. Spend the extra three bucks a month and get the messaging service or pull over if the conversation about Britney's c-section is just so important it can't wait. Please.
4) School-zones: What a pain in the ass children are, always wanting to stay alive long enough to see their next birthday! I know, I feel your pain, friend, but let's humour the rug-rats, shall we? I know you just can't wait to get to work, but how about slowing down when you see the signs with the teeny little children on them? It's really in your best interest. Scraping blood and hair off the grate of your BMW can really be a bitch, and something like that can ruin your whole week.
5 comments:
What a pain in the ass children are, always wanting to stay alive long enough to see their next birthday!
CLASSIC! ;)
Signal lights are practically a lost art, I don't know why they even bother putting them in cars anymore.
And people in my state only use them when they are halfway done with their turn, which defeated the whole purpose.
Idiots.
I actually heard a twenty something driver ask what a pedestrian was a few weeks ago. They thought is was some sort of vehicle, or a part.
Seriously. And sadly.
Thanks for the tips! Though I am 30 years of age, I'm taking my written driver's test next week and my beginner drivers manual - so DRY. Your words will come in handy, particularly the part about the school zones. My girlfriend would totally KILL me if I got shit on our grill.
Sweetie, I agree, while my child is cute enough to be a hood ornament.... lol!
Seriously now, the left hand turn from the right hand lane.. takes, talent, precision and timing. Extra two points if you hit the old lady, 3 points if she has a walker.
People on cell phones in cars are the absolute worst drivers. I know I am.
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