I have a new blog!

I don't know if anyone ever checks in here anymore, or if new people ever stumble upon this relic when they hit the "new blog" post, but obviously poor old Katie's Brain has been neglected for some time.

I've had a crazy year. So crazy that this blog seems like a lifetime ago. But I'm embarking on a new life, after months of absolute chaos (the good kind). So, please, feel free to check out the new place, leave comments, make yourselves at home. I have a feeling the chaos is going to continue for a while!

The new place is over here...http://reluctantsoccermom.blogspot.com/

Hope to see you soon!

I'm getting married!

Last night, Sean and I were coming home after having a few drinks. I was wearing this ridiculous red bobbed wig that I'd bought earlier in the day, and we were holding hands and just talking and laughing and I was desperately trying to flag down a cab so we could avoid walking the whole ten minutes to his place. We'd had a really great day together, just drinking each other in, and I felt so completely happy. We were walking along the harbour, right across from Victoria's Parliament Building, which is beautiful at night because it's all lit up and it reflects on the water. We kissed a bit on the corner and told each other how much we love each other, and suddenly Sean said, "I had this whole big plan but..." and the rest is a blur. He got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. I'm pretty sure I said yes. I think I asked him if he was serious two or three times. I told him to ask me again the next day so I'd know it wasn't the drinks. He asked me as soon as I woke up.

I'm so happy. I love this man so much. I am feeling so grateful to the universe for introducing me to my best friend, and I can't wait to start the rest of our lives together.

Update from the invisible woman!!!

I know...I've disappeared. I've probably lost all of the regular readers I had, but if some of you still check in from time to time....I'M SORRY!!!!

So...maybe I'll try writing more frequently soon. I feel a bit like I've been caught up in a tornado. A tornado of LOVE ;-)

Yes, still deeply in it. It's a miracle, I know. Who'da thunk that little old permanently single and cynical me would finally meet my match? I sure as hell didn't. But, despite all of my weird and annoying quirks, this man seems to really, really like me. I feel like Sally Field on Oscar night. He's funnnnnnnnnny...smart, kind, cool, interesting, patient, handsome, communicative...and a whole lot of other things I'm not going to discuss on a public site, but allllll good. I'm having fun. We're in love. We're moving in together in April and then heading to Mexico for a week as soon as the furniture arranging is complete. My son and he get along. No weirdness...nothing. Well, nothing between THEM.

The kid...well, he is still a source of much happiness and hilarity....maybe not so much happiness today, but definitely hilarity. I got called into the principal's office this afternoon and told by him, in the kind of grave voice one uses to tell someone her house burned down or her husband has run off to Cuba with his secretary, that my beloved angelic 7-year old child is suspended for two days.

What, you ask, could a seven year old boy possibly have done to merit such a severe punishment?

He MOONED his class.

I know.

You try not laughing when someone tells you that with an expression normally reserved for funeral parlours . But apparently, this is a VERY SERIOUS MATTER that the principal is VERY, VERY CONCERNED ABOUT.

So, the kid and I will be home for the next two days. Fortunately my boss has a sense of humour and laughed when I told him, and I can work from home. I will be mocked for months over my juvenile delinquent.

The tv, the Gameboy, the portable dvd player? All off limits, indefinitely. I'm not excusing the behaviour, but I'm trying to keep it in perspective. I hate to be too "boys will be boys" about this, but ummmmm....I knew some boys like this when I was a kid, and a few of them actually became reasonably productive members of society. I'm not quite ready to throw in the towel yet.

Tomorrow my pride and joy will be working on the mountain of homework that we were sent home with. On Friday morning I have an 8:30 appointment to discuss the boy's inappropriate behaviour. The school counsellor will be joining us. Anyone envious NOW? I called my mom for some sympathy and she dropped the phone because she was laughing so hard.

Aye yi yi. I'm too old for this shit.

I've been hypnotized

So, maybe some of you were wondering where I've been lately. Or maybe not, but I'll tell you anyways.

I've met the man I never believed really existed. I never believed in Mr. Right or soul mates or anything of the sort, but Sean and I fit together so well, I feel like we must have known each other in a past life.

I knew by our second date that I never wanted to have another first date again for the rest of my life. He makes me laugh so hard. He makes me feel comfortable immediately. He is kind and caring and smart and strong and sexy and interesting and I find myself wanting to talk to him almost every minute of the day.

I had pretty much given up on ever meeting anyone right for me. I had totally abandoned the idea of marriage or of having another child, or of even ever really being in love. I signed up for an internet dating site because I knew I should get out and be a bit social, but I had incredibly low expectations, based on some past experiences--I've been single for a very long time, and I've grown used to it. Still, I knew I should date, and how else does someone my age meet someone in a town full of retired people and students?

Sean wrote to me the first night I had signed up. I was hesitant at first, but his letter was hilarious and stood out from all the ones I'd received and so I wrote back. We quickly developed a great banter and decided to skip the coffee date and move straight to dinner. We couldn't stop talking all night. Dinner led to drinks, drinks led to his place, and our date ended around noon the next day. Two days later we met for lunch on my break and when I left the restaurant after kissing him goodbye, I knew for sure that he was different from anyone else I've ever been with. I've never fallen for anyone so fast, so hard and so fiercely as I have with him, and the best part of it is that I know it's ok to fall, because he's doing it too.

So, that's where I've been. I'm sure eventually my cynical edge will return and I'll be back to blogging about my freak magnetisim, but right now I'm just enjoying being obnoxiously happy in love. I used to roll my eyes when people told me love would come when I least expected it, or say crap like, "sometimes you just know." But I guess they were right. I wasn't expecting it at all, and it hit me like a bolt of lightning. And it's true. I just know. I look at Sean, and the way he smiles at me, and I just know.

Blogger Technical Help Needed!

Hey guys--does anyone know how I can fix my page? A few weeks ago I noticed all of my information and links were bumped down to the bottom of the page, but they used to be on the top right hand side, which is where I want them. I haven't messed with my template at all, so I don't know what's happening. I've checked the blogger frequently asked questions page to look for an explanation, but they didn't have an answer for this one, and my emails to the blogger help people have gone unanswered.

If anyone can give me an answer here, I would really appreciate it!

It's Fate

So, nothing on tv was pleasing me tonight, and I got bored and started scrolling through a dating website that I haven't logged into in months, because I'm wondering if my recent contemplation about giving up men might be premature, and TA DA!

Angels sing, choirs in the background, picture the heavens parting....

Lo and Behold, there is a picture that makes me stop and look. It's someone I know. Not KNOW KNOW, but whose face I know, because he was an actor in a cult tv show that I was nuts for a few years back. The cancellation of that show, and the subsequent cancellation of the next show by the same producers (Blast you NBC and Fox) sent me spiralling into a depression for months. I mean it. I wept when those shows were cancelled. I joined fanclubs and went all fan geeky and wrote to the networks and swore I'd never watch any of their shows or buy any of their advertisers' products if they cancelled those shows.

Of course, I am suspicious. This actor/writer is doing reasonably well in Hollywood these days and has been in some very successful movies recently. Ok, he's not the leading man in them, but he's funny! And smart! So what would he be doing on a website like this? Why would he need a dating site to meet women? And what kind of guy would imitate him...as I said, he's not a leading man, and he's not a traditional beefcake (I have never used that word before in my life) sort. But he has appeal...he IS from near my area, and I hear he still lives there part time, so maybe it's possible.

At any rate, right this minute, I am going to believe it's really him. Ok, sure I'm way too old for him, and sure it would take a ferry for me to see him, and sure, his screen name at the dating site is the sort that would make me scroll right past him if he weren't someone I recognized, but the fact is I DID recognize him, because people, this is FATE.

I am going to marry him, and he and I are going to spend our lives collaborating on scripts and showing up unannounced at small town improv shows and we will laugh our heads off until we grow old.

Because that's the way it's meant to be.

P.S. Don't think for a second I'm going to post which site this is or what his screen name is. I found him FIRST!

A rose by any other name...

I think I need to change my name. Katies are messy people. We are emotional. We are too into having a good time. We screw up. Accidents happen to us. We fall in love too easily and get our hearts broken often. We own copies of every season of Felicity and we can't choose between Ben or Noel either!

I'm thinking Jenny. Jennys are cute. Sure, they're often blonde, but sensibly blonde. Jennys are fun too, but they make better choices. They don't just date anyone...they date promising doctors or lawyers or accountants. Jennys don't have to work--they work part time because they love it! They work with kids or animals or sick people. They take their 3 perfect blonde children to the park in the mornings and they smile at everyone. And when they get married, they switch to Jennifer, because Jennifers are taken more seriously, but all of their friends still call them Jenny, because Jennys are so cute and adorable. Jennys get married. It's the law.

Or maybe Abigail. Abigail is ok with the whole single thing. Sure, there might be a lot of cat hair in her perfectly sensible apartment, but Abigail is ok with that. Abigails don't need men. They might have one or two in their lives in a perfectly lovely and appropriate way, but they also go home to CNN and they eat proper meals--they don't stand in front of an ironing board wolfing down slices of bread because they forgot to go grocery shopping. Abigails are fiscally responsible. Their rents are always paid on time and they are dilligently saving for a deposit on a townhouse in a perfectly lovely area. Abigails are excellent daughters who never disappoint their parents.

Or maybe Lois. Lois is kind of mysterious and sexy, but Lois can keep her mouth shut, and if she's having a bad day, she just paints something--she doesn't get all dramatic like a Katie and blog about it or call all her friends and whine. She's an artist and men fall in love with her every time she walks down the street. Lois has a ton of other artist friends and her apartment is the kind of place you walk into and see a chair hanging from a wall by its legs and you think, "Hmmm...I never would have thought of that, but it works--Lois has such irreverent style!"


Jenny and Abigail and Lois would never go home with some guy from a party without knowing his last name. They would never spill red wine all over the slipcovers they'd only just had made for their white couches. They would not fight tears every time they hear a song that reminds them of their ex. They would not be content with a perfectly ordinary but boring job that almost pays all the bills. They would not have thousands of dollars worth of student loan debt. They would not be blogging about their crappy lives.

This Katie thing is not working for me. But I can't do the Katherine thing. Sure, technically, it's my name, but Katherines are too intimidating. Katherines are not like me. Katherines don't trip over ladybugs or do stupid things like buy white couches or let their passports expire.

Katies have freckles and they skin their knees beyond the age of 12 and they date the wrong guys over and over and over and they constantly have to pull their feet out of their mouths and they try to be good friends but they settle.

Katies are messy.

Maybe Susan. Or Anne. Or Grace. Or Rainbow.

Any suggestions would be welcome.

November

We were drinking. Next to each other, leaning over the deck of an enormous house, both watching the stars and smiling into the dark sky. And he said something and I laughed, and then I said something, and pretty soon we had a lot to say to each other, even though we'd only met 5 minutes ago. And I was drunk from wine and fresh night air and nervousness, and I started to talk (and talk and talk) about every thought that passed through my brain and I could feel my cheeks were burning, despite the fact that the rest of my body was shaking from the cold, and I couldn't stop grinning and talking and grinning and I was in mid-story and he grinned back and leaned in and kissed me and then leaned back and grinned again.


And I fumbled for the railing behind me and stared at him and then laughed in shock, and he laughed back and said, "I had to do SOMETHING to get you to breathe!"

And I was done for.

But I sure didn't want him to figure that out right away, so I laughed again and said, "I like you. You want to know why?"

And he nodded, so I said, "Because there's nothing I like watching more than a man who gets turned on by a woman's brain."

And I kissed him back.

The "Nice Guy" Lie

So, I was checking my mail on Myspace, and I noticed that one of my "myspace friends" had put up one of those annoying myspace bulletin posts, where people write some piece of crap and then tell everyone to cut and paste it and then repost it. This one was about "Nice Guys." Here is what it said. Rant to follow.

To every guy that regrets hurting or losing her.

To every guy who knows which girl he wants.

To every guy that's said, "Sex can wait."

To every guy that's said, "You're beautiful."

To every guy that was never too busy to drive across town (or across the state) to see her.

To every guy that gives flowers and a card when she is sick.

To every guy who has given her flowers just because.

To every guy that said he would die for her.

To every guy that really would.

To every guy that did what she wanted to do.

To every guy that cried in front of her.

To every guy that she cried in front of.

To every guy that holds hands with her.

To every guy that kisses her with meaning.

To every guy that hugs her when she's sad.

To every guy that hugs her for no reason at all.

To every guy who would give their jacket up for her.

To every guy that calls to make sure she got home safe.

TO EVERY GUY THAT WOULD SIT AND WAIT FOR HER FOR HOURS JUST TO SEE HER FOR TEN MINUTES.

To every guy that would give his seat up.

To every guy that just wants to cuddle.

To every guy that reassured her that she was beautiful no matter what.

To every guy who told his secrets to her.

To every guy that tried to show how much he cared through every word and every breath.

To every guy that thought maybe this could be the one.

To every guy that believed in her dreams.

To every guy that would have done anything so she could achieve them.

To every guy that never laughed at her when she told him her dreams.

To every guy that walked her to her car.

To every guy that wasn't just trying to get laid.

To every guy that gave his heart

To every guy who prays that she is happy even if you are not with her.

This is one bulletin for you...

Not many girls appreciate nice guys anymore... And because of this, there are not many left out there...

If you are a nice guy repost this with "Nice guys finish last."

If you are a girl that thinks every guy should try to acomplish even a few of these repost this with: "To the nice guys" and if you think the person who posted this is a nice guy or a girl who deserves a nice guy then send them a secret message

RANT!

GAG ME.

I am SO sick of guys who wallow in self-pity because they have no luck with women, particularly those ones who spout crap about how women just want to date assholes and don't recognize a nice guy when they see one.

I'm sorry, but genuinely nice guys don't go around telling people how nice they are. They don't have to, because people want to be around them.

So, maybe you're a guy, and maybe you've had a streak of bad luck with women, and maybe those women thought they were doing you a big favour by letting you down easy and they told you that you were just too nice, or they said something stupid, like, "I don't know what's wrong with me--you're too good for me! You're such a nice guy!"


WAKE UP CALL, BOYS. She was LYING.

I'm not saying you're not a nice guy...you very well may be one of the nicest guys on the planet. However, no woman in her right mind, in the history of the planet, has ever truly dumped a guy because he was nice to her. Many men seem to think that desperation is the same as nice. It's not. Desperation is unattractive. So is needy. Both smell funny and women run from it like it's the plague.

Here are some legitimate reasons why women may have dumped you or said no to you when you asked her out (I'm not going to sugarcoat it fellas, because I wouldn't be doing any of you any favours):

1) The idea of sleeping with you makes her nauseous because you remind her of her brother.

2) She doesn't find your extensive collection of Atari games from the 80s endlessly fascinating.

3) She's hot for someone else.

4) You bore her, but she feels sorry for you, so she lets you hang around.

5) You took so long to make a move that you've accidently landed in the dreaded "friend" category, and because you've listened to her moan on and on about all her problems for months now but haven't laid a finger on her, she assumed you weren't interested, began to think maybe you're gay, and even if she now knows you're not gay, she still can't stop thinking of you that way. In her eyes, your passiveness has reduced you to the level of sexless sounding board. She does not fantasize about you, because you've given her nothing to fantasize ABOUT. You've been a super great doormat, and let's face it, most of us don't find ourselves overwhelmed with the urge to fuck our doormats. Once you're in the "friend" category, there is almost no way out. Give up.

6) She probably wouldn't want to hurt your feelings, so she'll never say anything to you about this directly, but it bugs her when you show up for an event wearing jogging pants OR a shirt with a beer logo OR jeans that don't fit well OR running shoes with dress pants OR a baseball hat.

7) You have obvious nose hair.

8) You smell funny or you fart or belch in her presence.

9) Your apartment has nothing but a fake leather couch or a futon, a glass coffee table, a giant television set with three different game systems attached to it, shag carpeting with nacho chips embedded in it, posters of Jessica Biel on the wall and issues of Maxim all over the place.

10) You could use a day at the gym....or maybe 3 months.



Here's my list of things a "REALLY NICE GUY" does and doesn't do:

1) Really nice guys let a woman know she's attractive but don't act like they haven't seen a woman in ten years. That means he compliments her, makes it clear he's interested, but doesn't act like a drooling idiot.

2) Really nice guys don't make a woman wonder if they're into her. They let her know. They ask her out. They tell her how nice her smile/eyes/legs are. They initiate physical contact (hand on her back, hand in her hand, hand on her leg). Women like this because it makes them feel sexy, and they also know that this is the male equivalent to when a dog pees all over the neighbourhood. It's possible to be a feminist and admit that sometimes we LIKE it when a guy shows other people that he's with us, and that he's protective and proud to be seen with us. News Flash! Nothing makes a woman feel hotter than a guy who's not too chicken to let her know he thinks she's hot. That means that all the plucking, shaving, dying, working out, educating, makeup applying, lingerie shopping and other tortures that women go through in order to BE hot has actually paid off.

3)Really nice guys take care of her needs first, if you know what I mean, and I hope to hell you do. Twice. And if she falls asleep from the exhaustion of being totally and utterly satiated, a nice guy doesn't shake her awake and yell, "My turn!" Also, a nice guy never gives a girl "subtle" hints, like shoving her head towards his penis repeatedly. He ASKS.

4) Really nice guys carry condoms and not those shitty Trojans or Ramses that leave most women itching for days. Also, nice guys put them on without being asked, and they don't try to stick an undressed penis into an unsuspecting vagina one or two times before putting that glove on.

5) Really nice guys know that appearance DOES matter, even if we'd all love to live in a world where no one is superficial (ha ha ha ha). They keep up on current trends, they get decent haircuts, they put a little effort into the whole thing. There is nothing more annoying that listening to some whiny badly dressed loser moan about how superficial women are and how they overlook "nice guys" when everyone looking at that badly dressed loser knows perfectly well that if he got off his couch once in a while, showered daily, stopped eating fast food and take out, and shopped for clothing with a female friend who has some actual taste, he might finally get laid. Also, has anyone ever noticed that men who bitch about how superficial women are all seem to want a girl who looks just like Kiera Knightley or Angelina Jolie?

6) Really nice guys have lives. They have friends. They go outside. They don't spend all their time watching sports and playing video games. They know how to be social.

7) Really nice guys don't turn their noses up at new foods--they TRY things. It's polite.

8) Really nice guys don't bash their ex girlfriends. Even if their ex-girlfriends really WERE psychotic bitches. If the ex was a complete and utter nutcase, a nice guy says, "That relationship was painful and I've moved on and wish her well." Even if he wishes she was IN a well.

9) Really nice guys never beg. It's undignified. They also never whine about bitches who don't like nice guys, because nice guys don't refer to women as "bitches."

10) Really nice guys don't tell the woman they're interested in that her roommate/sister/or person she's sitting near is hot. EVER.

11) Really nice guys PHONE.


One note upon edit--a very wise friend of mine read my blog entry and let me know that she thinks I might be mistaking qualities of a "smooth" guy for those of a "really nice guy" and with some reflection I can see her point, so I want to clarify. I do not think every fashion challenged guy or shy guy who takes time to make a move is some kind of loser. The losers are those guys who refuse to step back and examine their role in being rejected. I don't expect a guy to look like he rolled off the pages of GQ, or to act like Rico Suave. But effort is appreciated. Attention is appreciated. If your wardrobe consists of only things made with fleece or t-shirt material, it might be time go shopping. If you're too shy to make a move, work on it, because the longer you go without expressing interest, the sooner she'll assume you aren't, and she'll move on. Being shy or unfashionable does not make a guy a loser, but blaming your failures with women on women and telling yourself it's because you're a "nice guy" is not going to improve the situation. It's only going to leave you frustrated, bitter and single for much longer.

A is for Apple, B is for Baby, C is for Cookie...

Ok, the kid has been a very unpleasant little man to be around this week--VERY unpleasant--and I was steeling myself this afternoon for whatever his mood would be like when I picked him up after work, but thank God, he seemed to be in a very cheerful mood and tired out from swimming at his summer day-camp today. So I bought him a bag of pretzels on the way home. When the kid eats pretzels, he likes to hold up individual pretzels that have been broken or whatever, and he'll say, "Look mom--this is the shape of a D! This is an E! L for lucky!" and so on while I drive, and I'll nod at him in the mirror and say things like, "wowwwww--that's great honey!"

I've been very frustrated with the kid because of the sense of entitlement he's developed recently--all week he's been begging for more things, complaining about what his friends have that he doesn't, and just generally being a whiny pain in the ass, and I've been pulling my hair out trying to get it through to him that we are very lucky and there are many people in the world who aren't as fortunate as we are. It's been really exhausting to reason every minute with a pissed off 7 year old, and I'm almost at the end of my rope.

So, anyways, we're driving along and suddenly he says, "I think from now on I want to give all of my allowance to poor people."

I nearly careened off the road, I was so shocked. Is this the same kid whose recent battle-cry has been "gimme, gimme, gimme!"? So I say, "wow, that would be a wonderful thing to do. What made you want to do that?" and he says, "Well, because poor people sometimes don't have houses or any money or anything to eat and I wanted to share." And I'm feeling so proud and relieved that he really isn't the little monster he's been impersonating recently and I say, "You're right--and that's a very nice thing for you to think about doing."

More driving along, more pretzel eating, and then he pulls out a pretzel, holds it up and says, "Mom, look! A P!" And then, with the most somber expression I've ever seen, he says, "P. For Poor People."

I just about died.